he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
