She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
