Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
