Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
