My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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