i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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