Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
