do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
