we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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