I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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