I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
pop tarts are not kleenex
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
