I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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