you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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