I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
