weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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