i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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