I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
