dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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