If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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