so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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