Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
