"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
