my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
