suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
