I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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