Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
