We won't sleep together?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
