I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize