I love black thongs
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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