Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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