I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize