I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
