im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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