Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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