Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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