My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
