so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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