Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
