I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
