It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
