didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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