Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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