Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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