oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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