My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
