I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
