The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
