i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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