im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
