I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
