I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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