I could have mohawked her pubes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
