you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
