Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
