Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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