so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
