im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
