Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
