I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
