I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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