the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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